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Break The Silence!

8/19/2014

12 Comments

 
 We have a problem in churches across Canada that must be addressed. The problem is systemic in nature and despite the best efforts of those systems to ignore it or say it doesn't exist, it's a problem that won't go away.
It's the problem of Clergy Sexual Misconduct. A "problem" that shames its victims into silence and systematically takes away their voice.
Although there have been some denominations with the courage to name the problem and provide healing for victims, there is much more work to be done. For example, simply developing a protocol to deal with this horrendous issue is not enough. EVERY CHURCH must be
come a place that is safe for women. We must stand with victims and say, "We believe you!" We must give them back their voice. We must say in advance, "We will not ignore or diminish your pain, and here is how we will come alongside to provide healing."

The purpose of this website is twofold:
1) To provide INFORMATION about Clergy Sexual Misconduct. "Accurately naming the behavior is an important step to reshaping our thinking about this troubling reality in the church, and how we name it reveals our belief about it. Holding clergy accountable with compassion and purpose and providing healing resources to churches and survivors is dependent upon an accurate starting point. Only when we name the behavior accurately can we hope to have a healing outcome for all involved."
As Beth Ann Gaede states in the preface to When A Congregation is Betrayed, Clergy Sexual Misconduct is NOT a matter of a a "relationship" gone awry but an abuse of power. 
It is vitally important for leaders in the church who care about the congregation to become educated about this subject. Sadly, however, the opposite is often true. "For some reason, perhaps because of denial, many churchleaders try to do this difficult work (of dealing with CSM) without preparation and without asking for outside assistance. If people without training or guidance try to respond, the outcome can be disastrous. One of the entities that will pay dearly for a lack of preparation for dealing with clergy betrayal will be the congregation."
(When a Congregation is Betrayed, p.4) And the cost to the victims can hardly be comprehended.
Please use the RESOURCES tab above to find websites, articles, books and personal stories.

2)
To create INCENTIVE for denominations and churches to develop policies and practices that will ensure that churches become safe places not only for children, but also for women and other vulnerable people. Does YOUR church or denomination have a policy to deal immediately and compassionately with Clergy Sexual Misconduct? Is it readily available to everyone in the congregation? Do you know that your church is a safe place instead of another "good-old-boys club"?
Please use the DENOMINATIONAL POLICIES tab above to see which churches have policies in place.

Perhaps this website can be a starting point for people who "love justice and righteousness" to
come together to reflect the heart of God in dealing with this very important problem.



12 Comments
Kristi Dietz
8/19/2014 07:16:36 am

This is excellent Eileen! Will be sharing :)

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Ingrid
8/19/2014 08:37:02 am

Well said Eileen! We stand with you.

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lloyd
8/19/2014 08:54:19 am

Your efforts to advance the purposes of the Church through awareness and education in this area of great concern, raises the bar for all people in ministry and seeks to protect all the vulnerable.
"For such a time as this". Good start.

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Eileen
8/20/2014 07:52:49 am

Thanks for all your support - over 500 hits so far and counting!

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Tim W Callaway
8/19/2014 12:36:05 pm

Thank you for your initiative, Eileen. Every voice is needed to address this preposterous reality. Just today I received yet another fine lady who has had enough and has walked away from the church b/c of the games played by denominational leaders more in love with a pay cheque and the status quo than with getting serious about justice starting in the house of God. Please keep speaking up!

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Eileen
8/20/2014 07:57:59 am

How the heart of the Father is grieved when we treat those so precious to Him with such disregard. God bless you for being a safe place for wounded people.

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Jordan
8/20/2014 08:57:09 am

well spoken...written!!!

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Krysten loewen
8/26/2014 10:59:50 am

So this is explaining sexual abuse between just one pastor and a member of a church right ? Not between two leaders in the church or else none of this would make sense because If they were both leaders one of them should have said this was wrong what we are doing . Am I right ? There for the two of them would not be victims because they each have the power to make it stop . We all have a choice in everything we do and sometimes we make mistakes but when we make mistakes we should own up to them and say I have made a mistake . Just my Imput ...

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Elsie K Neufeld link
8/27/2014 05:12:59 am

Although two persons are both staff members at same church does not mean they hold equal power. most churches have a hierarchy even among staff. Imagine the staff on a pyramid. the "lead" minister is on top, and beneath him/her is the assistant pastor, and beneath the two are other "ministers" such as music, education, women's ministries, etc. Traditionally, female ministers are involved with music or children's ministries, neither of which are deemed ina hierarchichal system as equally important as the lead and associate minister. Therefore, should a long-standing associate minister prey on, for example, a much younger female music minister, newly hired, it would be from a position of far-greater authority, and therefore be be a relationship of power difference, and the older, long-time associate pastor holds more power. You can be certain that not only are female staff his potential prey, but so are female parishioners. Clergy sexual abuse is primarily about power wielded over another person's soul. If a cougar holds in its claws a domestic cat, the domestic cat has no chance of survival, though both are felines. Thus is the tactic of a sexual predator with those who have lesser power. Once the cat is in the claws of the cougar, resistance is met with indifference, and the game continued till the cat dies, or, in the case of clergy sexual abuse, discloses what has gone on in order to save what's left of her soul. When a congregation fails to believe her story, and chooses to believe the lies of the sexual offendor, they heap a secondary abuse on the one who discloses. And all too often, the sexual offendor is already grooming his next victim, and thus the church enables the offendor to repeat his pattern.

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Elsie Goerzen link
8/27/2014 09:06:04 am

An excellent piece, Elsie, explaining the imbalance of power question. Thank you.
For folks who would like to educate themselves further on this question, please download 'Understanding Sexual Abuse by a Church Leader or Caregiver,' at www.mccbc.ca.

Eileen
8/26/2014 12:11:13 pm

Thanks for your input, Krysten. This is a difficult issue to wrap your head around. I'm hoping you will take advantage of some of the many articles listed on the RESOURCE page to help you make an informed decision.

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David
9/3/2014 01:15:57 am

Let’s follow through on some of this reasoning. Really, are ANY of us responsible when we do wrong? There are always factors that lead us astray. In fact, let’s go to someone far more cunning than any abuser. Let’s say Satan himself is working on getting us to go astray, to sin. Let’s say it is he that is tempting us, grooming us. If he leads us astray, how can we be considered guilty when we sin? Really, if the person in our illustration is guiltless, because she was beguiled by someone, and led astray, then surely we all must be guiltless. After all, Satan is even more cunning and beguiling than any abuser. God surely wouldn’t hold us accountable. We didn’t have any choice but to follow!
What then of concepts like repentance, and forgiveness? Thankfully, some modern professionals have now freed us from such necessity. Now we can see that we are all free to go astray, and to fall into sin, because, after all, the devil made us do it.
It's interesting how this new narrative is created, with simplistic roles that we put people into. The victim can only be a victim - that's their role. The villain can only be evil. The victim cannot be responsible, and there are no mitigating considerations allowed the villain. Both roles are necessary in creating the narrative. So, to have someone considered just a victim, we need a villain. To prove someone is a villain, we need a victim. Those placed into these roles are not allowed to be looked at in any other way. We villainize, and we victimize. Villainizing is also abusive. I have seen pastors abuse people by villainizing them, so they could not even speak in their own defense. They were voiceless, and the characterization remained, with no recourse or justice. They were victims of a pastor's power and position.
When we create victims and villains, our simplistic roles keep them from the grace they need to find. The victim is kept outside of the healing circle of repentance and forgiveness, because that is not part of their role. The villain is considered beyond its reach.
But Jesus strips away our roles. He stands us before God, our Heavenly Father, who has simply asked us to live a certain way. In God's presence, there are no villains to hide behind, and no excuses about being beyond the reach of redemption.
Some of us may feel that our sins are not as bad as the sins of others. Others may believe their sins are too great for them to be reconciled. Jesus somehow failed to notice the distinction. "Do you think the sins of these people were greater than yours? I say, rather, unless you repent, you will all likewise perish". Regarding the woman who committed adultery, he said "He that is without sin, let him throw the first stone". Not "He that is without THAT sin", or "He that is without so GREAT a sin" Think about it. To Jesus, they were all guilty, whatever their sin. They all stood equally condemned. But, somehow, we think we feel better if we can make someone else's sin look worse than ours. How quickly we forget the song of forgiveness, grace, and reconciliation, which is at the heart of Christianity.
This all leads me to wonder. Do we victimize people by teaching them to think like victims, and act like victims, instead of like responsible individuals who have a relationship with God?
David

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